


Miraculous Hellsing 4

by DeadmanDairyland



Series: Miraculous Hellsing [4]
Category: Hellsing, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Gen, Inspired by Ladybug PV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 19:49:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16604390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadmanDairyland/pseuds/DeadmanDairyland
Summary: Le Papillon tells Nathalie why he hates kwamis so much.





	Miraculous Hellsing 4

**Author's Note:**

> I realized there was at least one more speech from the Major that I hadn't parodied yet, so here we are.
> 
> Once again, if you're a child, you shouldn't be looking up Hellsing. And you should be ashamed for sneaking past the age restriction screen. Shaaaaaaaaaame.

Nathalie stared out at the carnage that was once Paris from the bridge of the Papilione ex Machina, holding a clipboard in her hand. "It seems everything is proceeding exactly as planned, sir."

Gabriel stood next to her with a smile on his face. "All variables are falling perfectly into place, Nathalie. Tikki is struggling to rebuild her home brick by brick. My victory is assured.

"Kwamis seem to act human, but I never thought of them as such," Gabriel continued completely unprompted, "or even as gods, for that matter. They are master and slave both... or perhaps host and parasite is a more accurate description.

"What would it take to rid the world of such abominations?" he asked rhetorically. "I've asked myself this question ever since my wife passed away. It haunts me in my dreams every night."

Gabriel's grin grew until he looked more cat-like than his own son. "And now it's finally coming to be. The final battle with Ladybug and Chat Noir!

"I bring my all to this fight, but will it be enough?" he pondered as Nathalie looked on. "How can we take on such powerful beings? They can create and rebuild, destroy and demolish, in a blink of an eye! And yet here I stand with only my own wit and a single kwami--an extremely powerful one, but not to the degree of those two. Even the power of possession pales in comparison to the powers of life and death."

He turned to Nathalie. "Aren't kwamis just fascinating? Just imagine it. To be immortal and to fight armies since the beginning of time. These beings are as old as the dinosaurs. They're even the cause for their extinction!

"Do you see now what we're dealing with?"

He thought back to a time before he had Nooroo in his possession. As he was looking for answers in Tibet, he found himself mugged and left for dead. Someone else at the time had held Nooroo and they felt his pain. They sent a butterfly to him.

"Nooroo in particular is incredible. One can use him to take another's soul and rob them of everything that defines them."

Gabriel's past self watched as the butterfly came closer to him. If he wanted to, he could give in and let the entity possess him, and he could get his revenge on his attackers.

He refused.

**_"BEGONE!"_ **

The butterfly was chased away.

_"Mon cœur, mon âme, ma vie,_ they belong to me! Being possessed by another, being linked to them and sharing your soul with them. To gain by losing... It's ironic, don't you think?"

Gabriel's past self lay there defiantly as Nathalie's past self arrived with medical help.

"And that is why I say 'To Hell with you!' What's mine is mine alone. I will not surrender to anyone other than myself, for I am me. I am Gabriel Agreste. _I am Papillon!_

"And what are you, Tikki?" he asked out to the devastated city before him. "You and all the other kwamis... You are abominations, given flesh, granted beauty. And yet they love you, and so I hate you. That is why I've made you my enemies. As long as we both exist, I will wage my war against you. What you and Ladybug and Chat Noir call 'victories' are nothing more than the first designs shown in New York during the Big Four."

Meanwhile, standing on the roof of the burning Notre-Dame de Paris was Chat Blanc, who meowed at no one in particular.

"Every fight, every battle, they have all led to this moment," Gabriel continued. "My army of akumas, the destruction of Paris, the akumatization of Chat Noir--these were all building to the imminent cataclysm that will rid the world of these kwamis once and for all! Tikki, the puppetmaster, has no choice but to save her marionette. So will Chat Noir be the one to cut the strings?

"I think Tikki will save them both."

Nathalie looked at Gabriel curiously, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Kwamis are less than human, but also much more. Millenia ago, they rescued ancient Egypt from peril. Millions of years ago, they killed off the dinosaurs. If those miraculous ladybugs rebuild all of Paris, the game is over. Tikki and Plagg will go back to being 'mentors' for these poor teenagers. And they will continue to do so for all time. How does one go about killing such freaks of nature? Do you stab them? Shoot them? Decapitate them? _Non._ These beings are immortal. You can't destroy them directly. But perhaps that can work in my favor, because Tikki's strength also happens to be her weakness. Throughout the history of mankind, the easiest way to kill the unkillable has always been to poison them."

**Author's Note:**

> If you're wondering what his plan was, uh... I'm honestly not sure. I mean, in Hellsing what they did was--if you're worried about spoilers for Hellsing Ultimate, by the way, you probably shouldn't be here in the first place--use Schrödinger's powers to basically poison the blood that Alucard was using to heal himself, so in my head I was thinking maybe the ladybugs were tainted by Cataclysm or something and it wipes out the kwamis somehow? That's the best I got.
> 
> You know, I didn't plan for this series to have an overarching plot. Not that an overarching plot would make sense anyway, considering that in Hellsing Ultimate this scene takes place after the one from the third Miraculous Hellsing, which means Chat Blanc should be defeated by now. But then again I also had Ladybug use a Lucky Charm in the second one after the kwamis were supposed to be gone, so... there is probably no point in trying to make sense out of any of this anyway. Oops!
> 
> Ah, whatever. It's all in good fun.


End file.
